About a year or so ago maybe more, a friend of mine discussed “the spark”. What makes two people connect past mindless chatter and physicality. What is the secret recipe that yields the “cuddle hormone” – that surge of chemicals that leaves us longing for more. The answer to this age-old question, according to my friends, was simple. Food, Fashion, and Fun. Henceforth known as the 3Fs. Now, this may sound superficial at first read but continue to read and it will make sense.
If you think about it our greatest moments are connected to the 3Fs. Memories are a compilation of the senses, what you see, smell, taste, hear and touch. A good first date or a bad first date is tied to a moment and an emotion. Our senses help to solidify that moment and emotion as wanting more of it or avoid it. For instance, when something bad or good happens to us and we recant the story sometimes it is as if we are experiencing the moment. We smile or grimace depending on the issue. Back to the 3Fs and how this concept lays the basis for perfect connection.
Food: What’s a date without food? Dinner and a movie or Netflix and chill. Good food leads to good conversation. Food is the greatest aphrodisiac. The smell alone is inviting and depending on where you are the ambiance can be sexy or soothing. Even if you are cooking together at home, the act of preparing the food can be sensual. Moreover, you can learn a great deal about someone from how they cook or what they order. Does he take time to cut and dice an onion? Is she neat? Does she take the time to clean the kitchen after cooking or leave dishes in the sink? Is he a planner? Did he take time to gather all of the ingredients and necessary the accouterments?
Fashion: Fashion does not equate to Gucci, Prada, Fendi but what is it about that persons looks that draws you in. His cologne drifting through the air or the click of her heels against a marble floor. It’s the way he pulls off that jogging suit on the fly that isn’t even a name brand. It’s the ways he walks into the room and exudes confidence. It’s the way her hair is swept over her shoulder or the perfectly unperfected shade of fingernail polish you notice when she text. It’s his smooth skin that that seems to glow as the sun shines on him through the slats of the living room blinds. You can see how these moments are tied to an emotion and how that emotion leads to longing.
Fun: The last F but certainly not the least but it is the preverbal sugar on top. Fun is like a checking account. The more fun you have the more positive experiences you create. The more positive experiences you create together the more you are going to want to be together. Fun gives you something to look forward to. After fighting with the world Monday- Friday, the last thing you look forward to is more of the same. Fun is that bright spot at the end of a long week whether it’s planned or spontaneous. I heard a story once about a young woman who for one week straight texted a riddle to a man that she was dating. The riddle was based upon certain locations in the city and if the riddle was answered they would meet at the proposed location. The riddle was such a success between the pair that they decided to do it at least monthly. It gave them both something to look forward to and helped to cultivate “the spark.” Are you getting enough Food, Fashion, and Fun in your day?
About The Author
Dr. Beatrice Love is a licensed professional counselor by day and a writer at night. Her passion for helping people in all aspects of life is a major motivation for her when she writes.